


Dead Reckoning

by AWitchWrites



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Death, Domestic, Grief, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 07:39:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5155679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWitchWrites/pseuds/AWitchWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(n.) to find yourself bothered by someone’s death more than you would have expected, as if you assumed they would always be part of the landscape, like a lighthouse you could pass by for years until the night it suddenly goes dark, leaving you with one less landmark to navigate by—still able to find your bearings, but feeling all that much more adrift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dead Reckoning

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [23emotions](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/23emotions) collection. 



He was numb. Unbelievably numb. 

That morning had been just like any other. Gerard had woken up, stumbling into the bathroom to take his morning piss, still half asleep. His husband was still in bed, like always. Gerard was always the first one awake; he was the one to make their coffees in the morning, always having a few extra cups before he made one for the both of them and took them upstairs to wake Frank. It was their routine, had been for nearly thirty years and this morning started like any other. 

It was only when he'd rubbed the sleep from his eyes after washing his hands that he registered that something might be wrong. He just had a bad feeling. A sense of foreboding at the back of his mind that slowly morphed into a knot in his throat and the ache in his chest.

Gerard was silent for a moment, trying to listen carefully for Frank's breathing at the other side of the door but he couldn't hear it. His own picked up and his heart went crazy. He knew already. He could feel it. There wasn't any sign of life in the room he had just left, the room that Frank was supposed to be sleeping in. 

Gerard took a deep breath before he stepped back inside the bedroom, staring over at the bed. He hoped that he was overreacting and that Frank was fine but he knew as soon as he saw him that he had been right. His husband's chest chest was still and the room was completely devoid of the sound of Frank's usual deep breathing. It had been getting worse over the last few weeks since Frank's breathing had been getting worse but he hadn't thought anything of it until now. 

Gerard stood there in shock for a good few minutes, tears slowly blurring his vision until he let out a pained sob and stumbled back over to the bed. He climbed back into bed next to his husband, sobbing as he tried to shake him awake. He climbed back into bed next to his husband, sobbing as he tried to shake him awake. It was no use, Frank was already cold. His husband was dead.

The pain hit harder than he expected. He'd never thought that this moment would actually happen. Gerard knew that it was inevitable but he'd always assumed that he would go before Frank. After years of drinking and smoking, his previous drug addiction and being older than Frank, it just seemed fair that he would go first. But the universe wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair, there was no reason why death should be any different. There was nothing fair about the pain ripping through his chest, threatening to tear him apart as he held onto Frank's body, sobbing harder than he ever had before. 

He wished it had been him to go first. He felt bad for wishing that, selfish even, because he wouldn't want anyone to experience this level of pain, least of all Frank but he wished it all the same. 

-Weeks Later-

Gerard had never imagined life without Frank, his life before Frank had been filled with drinking until he passed out and snorting as much coke as he possibly could without ODing. The only thing that had stopped him wanting to do that was his brother and then Frank when he came into Gerard life. And now Frank was gone. It was hard to process at first and for the first few days all he could do was sob uncontrollably, whenever he thought about it.

They'd been together since their twenties. Now, 35 years later, 30 years after their marriage, Frank was gone. It was hard to get used to how empty his life was after that. Gerard had never really thought about what he would do without Frank. He'd always thought that Frank would be there. He'd gotten so used to having Frank there for him everyday for the past 35 years that it was hard to imagine how much losing him had hurt. Gerard would forget sometimes, mostly when he had just woken up. He would roll over and reach out, still expecting Frank to be there. Until the bitter realisation hit and he was left feeling as empty and alone as he had when he'd first found him. There were other times too that Gerard was reminded that Frank was gone. He would often find himself making coffee for two only to realise after that he was the only one around to drink it. Other times he would call out for Frank, only to be greeted by silence and an empty house in response. Each time he was struck with the same heart shattering pain from before. Each time the wound was opened and the grief was as fresh all over again. That feeling never really went away but it was sharpened in those moments, more intense. 

He missed Frank with everything he had. All the little things that hadn't seemed important at the time were what he missed the most. He missed hearing Franks giggle, he missed the sound of Frank walking around the house, the sound of him complaining about his job. He missed being able to see the look on Frank's face when he was concentrating on something, he missed all those times he'd look up and find Frank already looking at him. He missed the feeling of having Frank wrapped around him the most though. The safest he'd ever felt was when he was wrapped up in Frank's arms, their legs tangled together, burrowing into his husband's warmth. It was hard to come to terms with the fact he was never going to feel that way again.


End file.
